Deep Thinking

This morning I found myself weeping in my sleep. I woke up and looked around, wishing for that love I’ve longed for a long time now. As I sit here, enveloped in the calm of my own thoughts, I feel a gentle tug of patience pulling at my heartstrings. I’m waiting, not just for time to pass, but for the best that God wants to bring into my life.

There’s this beautiful, serene anticipation inside me, like I’m watching for the first light of dawn after a long night. I trust, deeply and truly, that what I’m waiting for isn’t just good—it’s the very best, tailored just for me by divine hands.

I feel this peace in my waiting, a peace that’s not about the ticking clock but about preparing my heart. It’s learning to release my own desires and schedules, embracing instead the perfect timing of God.

Yes, there are moments of doubt, fleeting shadows that question if what I hope for will ever come. But then, my faith shines through, reminding me that God’s vision for my life is far more magnificent than anything I could plan. Maybe my doubts are because I feel like I’ve lost a lot in my life. When I was in between my thirties and twenties, I had a miscarriage, not even knowing I was pregnant at the time. Then later, losing my dad unexpectedly to a car accident, being forced to give up one of my dogs because my wish for him to stay inside until I got home wasn’t respected, and the fencing was already on its way to be delivered. Then ending up getting divorced, scammed by someone online, being forced to move out without letting me have time to look for a reasonable place, and losing my cat of 18 years to old age and possible cancer.

Yet, it’s hard not to want to long for that missing piece of my heart… my other half who would understand my mind, heart, and soul.

I imagine the joy, the immense satisfaction when what God has prepared for me finally unfolds. It’s like waiting for the perfect chord after hearing discordant notes for too long. This wait isn’t just about receiving; it’s about becoming. Becoming more patient, more faithful, more aligned with the divine plan.

Here I am, in this beautiful space of anticipation, trusting, believing, and knowing that what I’m waiting for is being crafted by the divine. It’s not just about waiting; it’s about preparing my soul, my life, for the best that God has chosen for me. And in this space, I find not just patience, but peace, not just waiting, but living fully in the promise of what’s to come.