As an autistic woman, love feels like a vivid, intricate tapestry—beautiful, overwhelming, and sometimes hard to unravel. For me, it’s not just an emotion; it’s a sensory experience, a rhythm that can either ground me or throw me off balance. Being autistic shapes how I give and receive love in ways that don’t always align with what people expect. My brain processes everything deeply—every touch, every word, every quiet moment—so love isn’t just a feeling, it’s a full-body immersion. Sometimes that intensity is a gift, letting me connect with someone in a way that feels almost cosmic. Other times, it’s a challenge, because the world’s unspoken rules about love can feel like a language I’m still learning to speak.
I’m extremely patient and easygoing, even when life throws lemons at me—and trust me, it’s tossed plenty. That patience isn’t something I had to force; it’s just part of who I am. Maybe it’s the autism, giving me this ability to sit with discomfort and not let it derail me, or maybe it’s the way I’ve learned to adapt to a world that doesn’t always make space for me. Though I’ve adapted to changes in my life, some of it was hard to swallow and hard to understand—especially when I was married for eight years and my spouse never once told me he loved me, even as I poured those words out to him. That silence was a lemon I couldn’t sweeten, no matter how patient I tried to be. I’d say “I love you,” hoping it would spark something, anything—a mirror to my own heart. But the absence of those words felt like a void, a rejection I couldn’t decode. As an autistic person, I crave clarity, and that lack of reciprocation left me spinning, questioning if love was even there.
Unlike some autistic folks, I don’t have sensory issues with touch—just when things get fast. I love the warmth of a hug, the weight of a hand in mine, the quiet intimacy of closeness. It’s soothing, grounding, a way to feel tethered to someone I care about. But when the pace picks up—when emotions or actions come rushing at me like a tidal wave—it’s too much. I enjoy being able to process things at my own pace, to let love unfold slowly, like a flower I can study petal by petal. That’s when touch feels safe and meaningful; I can savor it, let it sink in without my senses scrambling to keep up. In that marriage, the silence wasn’t just about words—it was the speed of disconnection, the way things moved too fast or not at all, leaving me no room to breathe or understand.
That’s why love languages mean so much to me. They’re like a map, a way to navigate the chaos and communicate what I need—and what I want to give—without getting lost in translation. Words of affirmation, especially, are a lifeline; hearing “I love you” or “I’m here” in clear, direct terms cuts through the noise in my head and anchors me. In those eight years, I didn’t get those words, and it left a hole—one I didn’t even know how to name until I learned how much they mattered. Acts of service or quality time, though, can speak just as loudly when they’re deliberate and steady, giving me the space to process them my way. I don’t need love to be flashy or rushed—I need it to match my rhythm, to let me catch my breath and feel it fully.
As a woman, there’s this added layer—society often expects me to be nurturing or intuitive in ways that don’t always come naturally. I might not pick up on subtle hints or flirt in the “typical” way, but my love is fierce and deliberate. I bring that same patience and ease to relationships, letting things grow at their own pace, not forcing what doesn’t fit—even when it’s taken years to understand why some things never did. I adapted to that marriage and kept loving through the silence because I could handle the slow burn of uncertainty. But I thrive when love meets me where I am when it’s steady enough for me to process and deep enough to feel real.
Love languages give me a structure to express that, to say “This is how I love you” without having to mask who I am. They let my partner see me—not just the autistic me or the woman me, but the whole, messy, authentic me who can laugh off life’s lemons while still feeling their sting, who can adapt to silence but blooms when given space to process at my own pace. And when someone speaks my love language back—whether it’s a quiet “I love you,” a gentle touch that lingers just right, or a moment of undivided time—it’s like they’re saying, “I see you, and I’m choosing to meet you where you are.” After eight years of missing that, I know now it’s not just a want—it’s a need. That’s everything.
Deep Thinking 
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